Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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