true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
