You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
