she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
