Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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