And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
