It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
4 words: hood of his car
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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