i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
