my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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