she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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