I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
