i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
