I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
