so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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