Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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