i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
