she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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