i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
