well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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