where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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