This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
