just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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