I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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