so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
