You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
