youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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