i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
