What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
