does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize