i permit you to call me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
