An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize