we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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