I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My dick has a subreddit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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