why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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