is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
