Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
