the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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