Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
