Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
