I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
