i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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