and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
