FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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