Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
