we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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