What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
