Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
