Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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