There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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