the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
