3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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