Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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