Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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