Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
