If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
