i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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