he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
