Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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