return my video game
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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