every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize