We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
