my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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