This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
