i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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