Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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