I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
