wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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