hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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