I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She is in my trunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
