There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
