Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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