obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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