I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The struggles of a small town man whore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
