i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
