Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
