at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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