I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
