He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
