I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
