Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
