Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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