i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
