Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize