she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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