She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
