So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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