Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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