i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
