I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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